Session 5

Unit Two: Loss Experience of Children in Placement

Separation as a Situational Loss

One of the most painful of all aspects of the child welfare system is the need to remove children from the care of their parents, and sometimes to do so without being able to provide notice or preparation for the people involved.

In making the decision whether or not to separate a child from an unsafe family situation, the courts and BCFS must weigh the damage that will be caused by the separation itself against the damage that will be caused by leaving the child in the home.

Separation is always painful, regardless of the age of the child or the factors leading to the separation.

Once the decision has been made to proceed with placement, it becomes the mutual responsibility of caseworkers and foster or adoptive parents to reduce the trauma of separation and removal as much as possible.

Separation of the child from the primary caregiver results in a grief reaction. Any separation from the child’s primary caregivers, no matter how justified, is a serious injury to a child as it disrupts the basic developmental process of attachment to a particular adult.

Stages of Grieving

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross introduced the stages of grieving in her book On Death and Dying. Many people have found that understanding these stages is useful in helping children and adults to cope with other losses. Click link above to view stages, diagram and definitions.

As you review the stages, keep in mind that the process of grieving is very fluid. People may not experience one stage or may not move through them in the order presented. They may remain stuck in one. People cycle throughout the stages many times throughout their lives and could experience them throughout the course of a single day!

Supporting children as they try to work through these experiences must be a major focus of the emotional and nurturing work done by foster and adoptive parents.

Grief in children often looks different than in adults. With children you may notice that one minute they are playing and laughing and the next they are quiet, sullen or in tears. Sometimes this transition from playfulness to tears occurs when you ask them to stop playing and attend to a task. It is easy to feel that this is a manipulative behavior yet once you get to know the child you may find that it is the interruption of the play (the distraction) that reminds them that they are sad.

Here is a list of some "Initial Separation Reactions in Children":

 

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