Foster and Adoptive Parenting

Session 5

Unit Five: Discipline vs. Punishment

Discipline and Punishment

Effective and positive discipline skills are crucial to all parenting. Discipline is included in this session to highlight the connection between how children experience and express their grief through their behaviors. As mentioned in the previous session, children who have been maltreated may express their feelings through a myriad of coping strategies and behaviors which will present complex challenges to you as foster and adoptive parents. This unit will focus on understanding the connection between the trauma of abuse and separation and a child’s behavior. Foster and adopted children often do not react to discipline in the same manner that you may be used to due to the traumatic and abusive situations they have experienced.

Strategies for effective discipline will be explored with the emphasis on understanding the child’s needs. Keep in mind throughout this unit that foster children are in the custody of the State of Maine. As foster and pre-adoptive parents, you will need to follow the DHHS regulations, which are very clear in their prohibition of certain types of consequences including physical punishment.

If you find you need more space or you don't have access to a printer, remember that you can use your Resource Guide or plain paper to complete these questions.

Think about the words "Discipline" and "Punishment." What are the differences? You may turn to pg. 13 of the Participant Manual or click here for help.

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The differences between discipline and punishment are in purpose, timing, learning approach, parental relationship, and promoting development of internal controls.

Children often get negative messages from punishment even when they are not intended. Children who have been abused or neglected are especially likely to interpret punishment in the worst possible way.

It is important to keep in mind the child’s history, developmental stage and unique temperament when disciplining. Interventions that may seem like appropriate discipline may sometimes have unintended consequences. For example, sending a child to his/her room for some cool down time may evoke strong feelings of anxiety and fear for a child who was locked in his/her room or not allowed out for days at a time.

Remember:

Children might interpret your purpose as revenge: “I want to get back at you because you hurt me.” They may see you as out of control: “I’m angry, watch out.” Children may interpret the lesson as: “Don’t get caught,” not, “Don’t do it.” They may interpret your feeling towards them as rejection: “I don’t want you.” Children sometimes turn your anger against themselves thinking, “I’m bad” not “What I did was bad”.