Remember, that even if you are planning to adopt, not foster, the birth parents remain a strong influence and factor in the lives of your adopted children. So, while you think you may not have to worry about these issues, how your adopted children feel about themselves is often derived from how you feel not only about them, but about their past, their birth parents, and their heritage.

Directions:

As a foster or adoptive parent, think about how you would feel or act if you encountered any of the following situations:

• A birth parent who spends most of his/her money on drugs or alcohol.
• A foster/adoptive child who is questioning his/her sexual preferences.
• A birth parent who won’t leave the partner who physically abuses her in front of her children.
• A foster/adoptive child who states, “I don’t need to get a job, I’ll just apply for welfare.”
• A birth parent who frequently changes jobs and/or moves several times a year.
• A birth parent who is severely depressed, doesn’t take her medication and therefore doesn’t prepare meals for her children to eat regularly, doesn’t ensure they are dressed properly and allows them to roam the streets.
• A foster/adoptive child who masturbates frequently and in public places.
• A foster/adoptive child whose religious beliefs/interpretations are very different from your own or who rejects your religious beliefs entirely.
• A foster/adoptive child who is aggressive towards other children in your home.
• A birth parent who won’t leave their partner who has been sexually abusing the child/children.

	What impact will your individual attitudes/beliefs have on the children placed in your care?
	How can foster parents help children feel good about who they are and where they came from, whether or not the values are similar?
	How might foster parents reconcile their values with the experiences of children in their care?
Print out your responses to share with the trainers. Or, if you didn't have access to a printer, email this page. Type your name in the blank below and then hit the email button.

Think about Vernon’s story, when he asked his foster mom if she hated his birth mom. It’s important to separate out what the birth parents did from who the birth parents are. Recall that the foster mother was able to compliment his mother’s eyes, and reminded him that his eyes were just like his Momma’s. Children in care, by and large, love their parents no matter what abuses they have suffered. Remember, a child may perceive that a rejection of their birth parents is a rejection of them.

We can best support the emotional well-being of children in our care by maintaining compassionate objectivity in our interactions with birth families. Later in this session, you will have additional opportunities to explore strategies for dealing with the challenges and concerns you have just identified.