Q: What has been your best or most rewarding experience?

A:

• Seeing the children grow.
• Success in school.
• Seeing my daughter get married.
• Having my child tell me he/she feels safe.
• Helping my child go back to school.
• Successfully reunifying my children with their birth family.
• Seeing my child develop the ability to have an emotional response:

i.e. having a baby who had been severely neglected cry when hungry.

i.e. during bedtime tuck-in, getting a hug and an I love you!

 

Q: What has been your worst experience?

A:

• Asking that a child be moved.
• Knowing I was unable to help a child.
• Allegations.
• Continual changes in caseworkers.
• Threats from birth parents.
• After a child leaves foster care, finding out they are in jail or are making some really poor life choices.
• Feelings of failure.

 

Q: Do you advise foster parents to wait until their biological child are grown? Why?

A:

• No, I’d be too old to foster parent by then.
• It depends on your individual family circumstance.
• Need to decide what’s best for your family.
• Sometimes not a good idea to displace the birth order, i.e., accept a foster child who is older than your oldest child- but this is not always true.
• Most of the panels advise against doing foster care while your biological children are in the home.

 

Q: What do you do when the child first comes into your home?

A:

• Show him his room and where he will be sleeping.
• Give a brief explanation of house rules and consequences. It is a good idea to post these and give the child a copy.
• Give a tour of the house, showing where the adults can be found
• Go shopping to get essentials.
• Show him where the food is, and reassure that we have enough food.
• Bake bread or cookies; do something hands-on and nurturing.
• Give her individual time and attention.
• Invite her to participate in family activities.
• Give them space and some time alone after a general tour and introduction to the family.

 

Q: What questions do you ask when you get a call from DHHS?

A:

• Names and ages of each child.
• Why was the child removed?
• Has the child been in previous foster homes? How many times has this child been moved? Why has the child moved?
• Is the child coming in permanent custody, temporary custody or voluntary care?
• How long do you expect the child to be in my home? What is the long term plan for the child?
• Will visitation take place? Where? Will visits be supervised?
• What is the child’s behavior like? At home, school, with friends, siblings? Is the child hyperactive, assaultive, aggressive, a fire setter?
• Does the child have a substance abuse problem or a history of sexual acting out?
• What grade is the child in? What school did the child last attend? Does the child have special needs or problems in school?
• Are there any medical problems; sexually transmitted disease, pregnancy, special medications, allergies? May I have a complete medical history?
• What is the name and location of the child’s doctor?
• What are the child’s routines? Bedtime? What does the child like to eat? Does the child have any special blankets or toys? Is the child afraid of anything in particular?
• Are there special words that the child uses?

 

Q: What questions do you ask when a child is being placed in your home?

A:

• Shall I make the appointment for a physical exam? Who has been the child’s pediatrician?
• Does the child have allergies? Does the child take medication? Why?
• When was the child’s last dental exam? Does the child need dental care now? What are the child’s last dentist’s name and location?
• Does the child wear glasses? When was the last eye exam? When is the next one due?
• Has a long-term plan been established for this child? What is the current plan? How can I be part of the planning process?
• What particular items do you want me to include in the records I keep on the child?
• Will I be the surrogate parent for this child?
• Is there a visitation schedule ?
  1. Who will supervise?
  2. Who is allowed to visit?
  3. Where will visits take place?
  4. Are there any special conditions for the visits?
  5. How will mail, gifts, and money be handled?
  6. Who is allowed telephone contact with the child?
  7. Is there anyone who should not be allowed contact with the child?
• What is the procedure if there are concerns about interactions with the birth parents?
• What school system did the child last attend? Was the child identified as requiring special education and/or 504 services? Are there any educational accommodations in place? Will you release information so we can talk to school personnel in our district?
• If I have a problem after hours, whom do I call?
• Do you have a purchase order for necessary clothing, footwear, outerwear, and any special equipment that may be needed?
• Who is the child’s guardian ad litem?
• When will I be given the child’s medical history? How do you want me to continue documenting health records?
• What additional health information is available?
• Do you know if this child is eligible for WIC?
• What is the board and clothing rate? When will I receive the first check? If the child is in diapers, will I get a diaper allowance? How much is it?
• What is the child’s social security number? MaineCare/Medicare/ number?

 

Q: How did your birth children handle it when foster children left?

A:

• They were heartbroken.
• We did lots of preparation and talking with our own kids before, during and transitioning foster kids from our home.
• My children had a difficult time adjusting. Their needs and wishes needed to be respected.
• I was always careful about the ages of the children I would take in, to minimize competition.
• Sometimes the match is not a good one and they are happy/relieved to see them go.

 

Q: Did you ever ask to have a child moved? Why?

A:

• Yes, due to violent, destructive, acting-out behavior. It's okay to ask for a child to be moved.
• Yes, because they hurt my birth child.
• Yes, because the living arrangement needed to change, i.e., child needed to be in a home with siblings, child needed to be only child.

 

Q: Have you ever had an allegation made against you? What was that experience like?

A:

• Yes. It was scary but the outcome was okay.
• Yes, it was shocking. Our integrity was on the line.
• The allegations were unfounded but I was glad to see the department do a serious investigation since I know the potential exists for abuse to occur in any home.
• Yes. I felt like we were out there alone because the caseworker really couldn’t discuss anything with us until the investigation was complete.
• It was awkward.
• Thank goodness we had the Allegation Support Team from AFFM available to support us and explain the process.
• Yes, the experience reinforced the importance of documentation- it helped to demonstrate what my child stated to the worker was not true.
• Remember allegations are not always sexual; allegations can include physical and emotional abuse as well as neglect.
• Frustrating when child has a pattern of lying and/or an allegation is initiated by a child because of a perceived injustice, i.e., didn’t get the Nike sneakers he wanted.

 

Q: What changes have you had to make in your home or routine since you have become a foster or adoptive parent?

A:

• Supervision, supervision, supervision! I realized not all families have the same definition of this so I was careful to have children’s friends come to my house after school to play or hang out.
• I stopped doing sleepovers- too risky.
• Take a lot of pictures!
• Some family routines needed to be changed, like making sure everyone wore pajamas and a bathrobe, or not playing tickling or wrestling games, didn’t snuggle on my bed to watch our Friday night movie- we all moved into the living room.
• We found we had to become very flexible about our schedule to meet many medical, dental and therapy appointments.
• I learned that I needed to be clear about and enforce rules around privacy, such as one person in the bathroom at a time, shutting the bathroom door, keeping the bedroom door open if more than one child is in the room.
• I found myself at the school a lot more.
• I needed to hire an adult babysitter with some skills-- ones that the teenager down the block didn’t have.
• We joined a support group- what a lifeline.
• Learned I need to take good care of myself in order to take good care of my children.
• I learned to seek out educational opportunities for foster and adoptive parents- realized I could hurt my children by what I didn’t know about some of their special needs.

 

Q: What challenges, if any, have you faced around schooling and education?

A:

• Needed to become knowledgeable in my role as the educational surrogate parent for the child.
• Became familiar with special education regulations, PET process, IEP and how to advocate for my child’s needs.
• Found there was still a stigma attached to needing special ed services.
• Sometimes the developmental delays of the child were seen by school staff as behavior problems.
• Sometimes my child’s behavior problems were seen as poor parenting on my part.
• Build positive relationships with school staff on an on-going basis so you have some common ground when crisis hits.
• Schools said they have no money to provide services.
• Didn’t know my rights at first.
• Communication with schoolteachers on a regular basis was helpful to establish continuity and common expectations; i.e. daily e-mails, journals sent home, etc.

 

Q: Have you had any conflicts with your workers? How have you handled them?

A:

• Yes, I spoke to the worker and then to their supervisor.
• Helpful to build positive relationships with worker on an on-going basis so you are on solid ground in times of crisis.
• Sometimes there is a personality conflict. I decided not to take any more children in my home if a particular individual was their worker.
• I advise parents to document the problems so when you are problem-solving with a worker or their supervisor, you can speak to the facts and not let your emotions take over .
• I found having a family team meeting was helpful to put all of us on the same page in terms of goals and expectations of child, birth family, department staff and me.
• Learn how to do your own research to expedite getting things done. For example, if child needs a physician, call and get possibilities to run by worker rather than getting frustrated by waiting for worker to have time to address it.
• Learn how to leave a phone message for workers that is specific about what you want, what you plan to do, whether you need a call back or not, etc.
• Tag team with your partner- if you have one- he or she may be better able to get along with a particular worker than you.

 

Q: How long was it from the time you finished these classes until your home study was done and you had a placement?

A:

• Standard responses range from two weeks to a year or longer.
• The sooner you get your paperwork in, the faster the process can move forward.
• The more flexible you can be about meeting with the home study worker, the faster you may be able to be scheduled in.
• It is helpful to make periodic contact with the worker to remind him/her you are still out there and check-in on how the licensing/approval process is progressing.
• Often the need for placements comes in waves…the need seems high around the holidays, lower at other times of the year.

 

Q: Once the child was placed with you, how long did it take before you adopted him/her?

A:

• There is a required 6 month period before you can go to probate court to finalize the adoption.
• There are too many variables to predict.
• Depends on where child is in the case/court process when placed with you. For example, have parental rights been terminated?